Wil Wheaton UPDATE- By Kyle

Well... all good things must come to an end. It's just kind of disappointing. You will recall that in my last article, I had a series of exchanges with Wil Wheaton trying to convince him to participate in the site. Being as crafty as he is, Wil Wheaton stood silent, constantly waiting for us to sweeten the pot. As a result, you will also recall that we began selling "Wil Wheaton is Not My Friend" shirts and donating all the profits to Amnesty International. I wouldn't say we were bitter... just disappointed.

But being Animalball, Mike and I were convinced we could be engaged in a full out war with Wil Wheaton before the end of the year. We knew that with the thousands of people that read his blog, someone had to tip him off to the article and shirts-- and yet he still refused to acknowledge us. We figured he had to be pissed. Maybe he wasn't, but it was funnier to us if we thought he was. We relished the idea of going to war with Wil Wheaton but being so insignificant to him that he wouldn't even participate. We thought that was even funnier.

So this morning I went by Wil Wheaton's website to see if there was any mention of the "secret" war, and read his most recent post about how he's changing his priorities and giving up a sponsorship deal. I decided to take advantage of this turn of events to officially withdraw our outstanding offers. (Mike and I had a plan where we were going to taunt him by offering the same stuff to other lesser-known celebs.) Here was my email:

Dear Wil Wheaton: Animalball Games (animalball.com) is hereby officially withdrawing its outstanding offers to you. The ceramic apple I carved in 10th grade is no longer available. Given the most recent post on your blog, it is clear to the Animalball Partners that you are no longer in the market for sponsorships or other online participation. While certain of the Animalball Partners are hurt and confused as to why you would reject a perfectly carved piece of art, other of the Partners feel that your failure to respond has sent a clear and unequivocal message: you want nothing to do with us. Please know that we will be approaching Justin Whalin with the same offer we made you. We understand he has been generally available since starring in the D&D movie.

He responded almost immediately with:

To which I responded with:

You haven't gotten my emails? I wrote a whole article about it.

To which he wrote back:

Ah, it's all come back to me. Your e-mails were so funny, I didn't want to reply and fuck up the comedy. Now it all makes sense. You are, however, correct. I have to kindly, gratefully, and (hopefully) graciously decline your many offers. Good luck with Justin Whalin, though. If he doesn't work out, maybe you could get the actor who provided the voice for Uni on the D&D cartoon.

So, I guess he gets it. Not only does he get the joke, he got it from the very beginning. While I should be happy, I'm not. I was gearing up for a war and it just got snatched away from me. We certainly can't go to war with someone who's in on the joke. I feel disappointed. I feel frustrated. I feel angry. But what's worse is that I can't be angry with Wil Wheaton because He Gets It. You know who I should take this out on? Justin Whalin.

Click here to purchase either of Wil Wheaton's books on Amazon.com, Just a Geek or Dancing Barefoot.

Click here to visit Wil Wheaton's popular blog, wilwheaton.net.

Or click here to search for Wil Wheaton memorabilia on Ebay.

If you have a suggestion for the next marginal/former celebrity, who is somehow connected to role playing, for me to befriend (no offense Wil Wheaton), email me at: Kyle@animalball.com.