By Mike

Many have wondered why we chose to call this site Animalball Games and why there was originally a football in the logo for a site devoted to pen and paper RPGs. Some have never pondered this at all. Yet it hardly matters, because you're here now--bear with me.

Animalball Games takes its name from the game of Animalball itself, the very first game that Kyle and I ever invented (or at least the first one with codified rules), and it involved the use of, you guessed it, a football. Animalball is simple, beautiful, and extremely dangerous.

DISCLAIMER

Look, I gotta make it clear at the outset exactly how dangerous Animalball could potentially be: it involves wrestling en masse in deep water. Is that clear enough? I hesitate to include the rules here lest I one day hear a transcript of these very words read back to me in open court as I face some idiot who claims that Animalball.com told him to go drown his best friend. The game of Animalball is extremely dangerous. I can't say that often enough. I can't believe my own parents let us play this game. I certainly wouldn't let my own kids play this game. Animalball Games does not recommend that anyone actually PLAY Animalball as it seems inherently inclined towards accidental death. We include it here merely for the sake of completeness--a historical footnote, if you will. A tale of reckless youth presently sole for entertainment purposes.

DISCLAIMER ADDENDUM

Okay, it occurs to me that the previous disclaimer only makes the game that much more enticing, as if it is some violent and waterlogged forbidden fruit that simply must be sampled. So let me elaborate: If you are considering trying your hand (and health) in a game of Animalball in spite of our extremely clear and legally prudent warnings to the contrary, please consider a couple of things. If you have even a vague hint of doubt at your own ability to swim, then don't play Animalball. As you prepare for a game, if there is even a hint of concern that maybe one of your friends is not that strong a swimmer, then for God's sake, don't play Animalball. If you're jumping into the water with ball in hand and it suddenly occurs to you to wonder if the people around you can be trusted to know the difference between an intense Animalball player and a drowning man clawing for air as his lungs fill up with chlorinated death, then for the love of all that is decent and holy... DON'T PLAY ANIMALBALL!

DISCLAIMER ADDENDUM II: RETURN OF THE DISCLAIMER

Let's just make it really simple: Don't play Animalball.

Now, having said all that, here are the official Animalball rules:

All you need is 3 or more players, 1 backyard swimming pool--preferably in ground and with a deep end, and 1 football.

There are no teams, every player plays for him or herself. Play starts by someone pitching the ball up in the air so that it lands in the pool. Any time there is a dead ball or a break in play for whatever reason, play is always restarted in this same fashion.

To score, a player must first touch one end of the pool while holding the ball and then must touch the other end of the pool without ever losing control of the ball or leaving the pool. This earns the player 1 point.

The other players do whatever is required to stop the ball carrier and to acquire the ball for themselves. There is no hitting, punching, biting, kicking, tickling, hair-pulling, or any other unsportsmanlike conduct agreed upon by the participants.

Otherwise, all bets are off.

THE TAP RULE: The only caveat to all of the above is the Tap Rule. If you think you are drowning or otherwise in serious danger... tap. Tap one or more of the other players somewhere. If someone taps, play stops. Period. If someone taps, everything comes to a screeching halt, and everyone's one and only priority is to ensure that everyone else is breathing. The Tap Rule is the single most serious thing you have ever encountered in your life, bar none. You don't mess around with the Tap Rule. You don't fake the tap for any reason ever. Even more serious, you never ignore the tap no matter what. If fact, if you're not sure whether that was a tap or not, you stop anyway. You just don't mess around with the Tap Rule. Anyone who does mess with the Tap Rule is an unscrupulous bastard weasel who needs to be publicly branded as such and then barred from holding positions of trust for the remainder of their lifetime.

And that's it. Brilliant in its simplicity, elegant in its execution. We found Animalball in the summer of 1986 and played regularly for three straight summers. There were many other players who came in and out of the game over the years, but none of them could ever live up to the glory of Steve Safford: Animalball Legend.

Don't play Animalball.